Scene: The vestibule of a church after Sunday noon Mass.
A middle-aged woman – let’s call her the Good Catholic – approaches a like-aged woman who is leaving the church with her 15-year-old and 17-year-old sons. The latter has the look of someone who spends lots of time at the gym. She is wearing high heels and a short skirt over her bare legs. She is the Bad Catholic.
Good Catholic: “Hi, my name is Cathy. I just want to tell you that I like your outfit. But don’t you think that skirt is too short to wear to church?”
Bad Catholic: “N-no, I don’t think so. Anyway, it’s a hot day, and I can’t stand wearing pants in this heat. Besides, I really don’t think that anybody notices what I wear.”
Good Catholic: “You think so? I’ll bet that a lot of the younger guys in the congregation were noticing.”
The Bad Catholic’s teens start to look self-conscious. One of them laughs uneasily.
The Bad Catholic herself forces a smile, then mutters something and walks away. Her boys follow.
The Good Catholic feels well-satisfied with her evangelization efforts. The Bad Catholic will probably think twice before wearing that skirt to Mass again. As for the Good Catholic, well, she’s going to attend Mass at a different church next week. The people here are just too impious.
Readers, this conversation actually happened. The Good Catholic/Bad Catholic designations, though unspoken, were clearly applied by the so-called evangelizer. And the “Good Catholic” really is continuing her search for a worthy parish.
Did you ever speak to someone at church about his or her inappropriate dress? Do you think that a conversation about proper dress can open the door to fruitful evangelization?
How would you modify the Good Catholic’s approach in this scene?
What would you say about her decision to attend Mass elsewhere?
Let’s start our own conversation right here on this blog!
Copyright © 2013, Celeste Behe
Celeste Behe
Celeste Behe is a storyteller and sometime humorist who, according to one book author, "writes like Garrison Keillor would, if he were Catholic and had nine kids." She is also a contributor to Faith & Family magazine, the National Catholic Register, and the Integrated Catholic Life, and she blogs at A Perpetual Jubilee. As a designated Toastmaster, Celeste entertains audiences with both nostalgic tales of her childhood in the Bronx, and modern-day tales of adventure that could only be told by the mother of nine. Celeste's memoir--cum-cookbook, Nine Kids, No Dishwasher: A Celebration of Life, Love, and Table, is a work in progress.
4 responses to “Good Catholic, Bad Catholic: How would YOU respond?”
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I’d converse with her as I would with anyone at church, and not make a peep about her presentation. Of course if the parish doesn’t suit, well, nowadays Catholics church-shop as much as any other Christians.
Great topic, Celeste — interestingly I was just pounding out a draft column for NE on modesty and discipleship.
I have on several occasions spoken to women in ministry about a problem-outfit — not visitors to the parish, but people serving the mass in one way or another — and received mixed responses. Sometimes grateful (we all have fashion incidents, it happens), sometimes not. In the absence of clear guidelines from the pastor, it’s every girl for herself in deciding what’s appropriate and what’s not. I completely understand if someone thinks I’m just nuts. So be it.
I personally dislike parish-shopping. But as the mother of a teenage boy, yes, there can be a real need to find a place your son can pray without a distracting view. In a parish that’s serious about modesty, the odd visitor is going to realize she stands out, and yes, it’s possible for a guy to just not look in her direction. No big deal. Parishes that are serious usually post a note in the bulletin or some such, that visitors will eventually find and respond to.
But I think it is understandable that someone would seek a parish where the pastor is supportive of modesty. It’s real easy to sling around an accusation of holier-than-thou, but I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt, and not assume the worst based on outward appearances.
Horrified at the thought of this actually happening. I don’t think you can have that sort of conversation with someone unless you have a relationship with them to begin with. I have had those sorts of conversation as a youth minister and person in charge of liturgical ministries but since they were in a professional context and I had a prior relationship it was doable, though not easy. As far as the Good Catholic modification, I would say it runs something along the lines of say nothing! I can’t see how a conversation that has as its primary purpose to tell someone her skirt is too short is going to lead to a good place. The Good Catholic can church shop all she wants for a pious congregation but in the end the Church is full of sinners trying to find their way to God. There is no perfect place to worship on earth.
I think the priest of the parish should put out rules of attire, etc. for laity help during the Mass. No one else should say anything to anyone else — we are all sinners, everyone has their issues, maybe there isn’t enough money to buy better clothes, etc. And through deepening our faith and becoming closer to Jesus, people may naturally become more modestly dressed — but I think that’s between them and God. I don’t think it’s my place to tell someone they look inappropriate for church — God knows if they’re inappropriate or not and He’ll tell them if they’re willing to listen.