This article is perhaps a little too revealing, but I hope it can help you assess your own sinful nature.
I’ve been on a major journey of faith the last several years and I have been trying to do everything necessary to bring my life in line with Jesus. I realize now how some of us try to deny the reality of sin. Thinking back, I know that I have been a really bad sinner.
So, in humility, I decided I needed to do a thorough examination of conscience and make a really honest Confession. I hadn’t gone to Confession for several years until about four years ago. Frankly, I wasn’t sure that when I did start going again that I had totally come clean.
I found a few good online tools and some pamphlets to help me with a list. I don’t remember these lists being available years ago, when I was doing my first Confession or during grade school.
The checklists make it a lot easier, but I will say there are sure a lot of things on the list that made me feel uncomfortable. As I started thinking about my life and going back to things I’d done and never really confessed, the list was getting quite long. And, there were a lot of bad, bad sins. Some I thought weren’t really that serious, but now appeared to be mortal sins.
Things I’d done in high school and college, decisions we’d made early in our marriage, how I thought about a whole host of issues or how clueless I was. “Man, what a mess”, I was thinking. “I’m even a worse sinner than I thought.”
Then, I made my first major decision that really helped a lot. I decided not to consider anything I had done before the age of 35. I was thinking of that term “indiscretions of youth” and that seemed like a good justification for many of the things I had done.
Sure, the Church talks about “the age of reason” and expects you to know all about the sins, go to Confession, etc. regularly after you make your first Confession. But, generally, we all do stupid things when we’re young. We’ve got a lot of other things going on like trying to find ourselves and the pressure of being young, in college, naturally attracted to women, making a name for yourself, etc. People generally give you a break for all of that, unless you do something really bad, like a DUI, but I’d never gotten caught, so I wrote it all off.
You might be wondering about the age of 35. It might seem like a little older than “young”. It’s arbitrary I will admit and you might have to come up with an age that works better for you. People thought I was mature and responsible long before I was age 35. Some even expected me to act responsibly, like my wife and kids and the people I worked for. But, as I look back at it, I probably didn’t wake up at all until around age 35. I didn’t tell anybody that and I acted like I was a good person, but now I can see I might not have been, but it was just indiscretion, not sin. I thought about using age 30 or 21 or 25, but using age 35 wiped out a whole bunch of issues I really didn’t want to talk about in Confession. Many might have had to do with lust and that’s uncomfortable to discuss.
I still had this long mental list and I realized a lot had to do with some people thinking I was angry, losing control or having a temper. Then I remembered another handy term, “righteous anger”. You see, although some may disagree, many of these situations weren’t really my fault. There were people who were trying my patience or questioning my motives. And, many of them made it hard for me to live the way I wanted, plus they did not empathize with all the stress in my life and my own quest for happiness. So, I was able to wipe off a huge part of the list with “righteous anger” and I’d recommend you keep this in mind the next time you spout off or when you start to feel guilty about any kind of temper tantrum you may have.
By the way, there were many “language issues” related to this righteous anger and sometimes I might have even been a little insensitive with how I used God’s name or started to say cuss words in front of others. Most were just mindless reactions to a situation or justified by other circumstances, so I eliminated them, too.
Then, there was another area that kept coming up in my mind as I thought about my life and looked at the list… selfishness. But, I know God wants us to be happy and realize our full potential. He wants us to be successful financially and how can you do that if you don’t walk over a few people? (Then you will have more money to give away for fundraisers, charity balls, etc. That can be a great place to make contacts, too. In fact, I’ve noticed a lot of really good Catholic businessmen that I wouldn’t have met if I didn’t make the grade financially.)
As I was thinking about this I noticed a word I hadn’t heard before, at least in this context. It’s “scrupulosity”. You see, especially some of the more holy and saintly people sometimes actually sin by being too scrupulous. They are really too hard on themselves and think something is a sin which really isn’t a sin. Then they worry about it too much or have despair.
That was it! For so much of this, I was really just being too hard on myself. I was trying to go by what the Church actually teaches or this obviously excessive checklist that was only meant for a memory jogger, not to actually infer that you sinned.
It was a relief to make this discovery and to know that I had really forgotten the most important factor… God is love. He just wants us all to be happy and love each other.
Commandments, The Bible written by humans, Catechisms, Papal decrees, advice from priests, even Confession itself are all really secondary to this main idea. Just live life and be happy. God will understand. And, if you’re a “good person”, everything will work out in the End. You know you will be in Heaven.
Plus, some of the issues that I thought about taking a hard stand on because the Church had definite teachings I decided to just go with the flow. Who wants to rock the boat with your family and tell them something might be a sin? Nobody likes to talk about sin. Everyone agrees the Church is way behind the times and some of these things must change to conform to a more politically correct, progressive ideal of life. God can’t really hold “getting along” against me.
I was feeling so much better. From a long, long list of sins that I thought I’d committed, I now recognized there were really only two or three times I’d really done anything that “bad”. I’d actually already mentioned them to a priest or a counselor, so God knew about them. And, I’m sure He has forgiven me.
It was so good to know my soul was clean and really, I probably didn’t need to go to Confession. I might go anyway, because that’s what we more holy people do. You know, we want the grace from Confession. Like the popes and saints who lead such holy lives and still go to Confession.
Now I’m really not afraid to die. Because I’m pretty sure I will be high five-ing St. John Paul II and St. Mother Theresa. Meeting Jesus, Thomas Aquinas and some of the others like me will be great. Even the Blessed Mother will warmly greet me.
Why should I be so concerned about death?
Notice/Disclaimer: I may or may not have actually participated in the kinds of sins mentioned in this article. And, I may or may not have actually had the thought process which is indicated by my description of my examination of conscience. I probably should have changed my name to protect my innocence and also for those who might know me or are related to me who probably want to disavow any knowledge of me. I can neither confirm nor deny that a group has been formed in advance of my death to investigate my potential sainthood. Finally, I pray for you if you think any of this is serious with the exception of the obvious tongue-in-cheek points made showing how some of us messed up sinners actually do think.
P.S.: I will be coming up with a short new book called “The Dummies Guide to the Sacrament of Reconciliation” and I’m sure many priests will be ordering it for their local parish. Be alert.
© John S. Cohoat, 2017
John S. Cohoat
John is a Midwesterner, born and raised in the great Hoosier State of Indiana. He jokes that he has a “checkered past” in that he didn’t choose the path that many thought he might when he left Notre Dame and rose quickly through the ranks at a large public accounting firm. He’s been the Chief Financial Officer at a medical laboratory and CEO of a small hospital. John has owned an ice cream company, operated restaurants, worked for large Catholic Health Care organizations, did real estate business development, wrote a book and owned a bed & breakfast. The last several years John led a membership and consulting strategy organization for small business owners. For over a dozen years, John has mastered the art of copywriting for several small business clients and Catholic organizations. His true passion now is personal spiritual development including copywriting/fundraising for Catholic organizations and spiritual writing. You can find out more about John and his work at www.cohoatbusinessgrowth.com including samples of his writing.
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