Like so many others I have been pursuing my love affair with the Catholic Church for a while now. I’m not one of those “cradle people” but I have been doing this for more than a few decades. Because of that I have fallen into the habit of being smug about what will be, what will happen, how it will affect me. I admit, I am a dye hard and would not miss the Triduum and all the fuss that goes with it. I know what it smells like, looks like, sounds like, tastes like and feels like. One of the reasons I so love this special week-end is because I know it so, so well.
There is a great comfort in the familiar, a safety that lulls us. While one of the benefits of a “practiced” religion is familiarity, it can be one of the dangers too. Does being too familiar with something lead us to a place where we are just not paying attention at all? Maybe. Can an “old dog” learn new tricks? Should an “old dog” learn new tricks? Is an “old dog” obligated to learn new tricks? Depending on your life philosophy or attitude, I guess the answer to all three could be yes or no. In my pride at aging and surviving it, the truth is that I would most prefer my answer to be NO. It often is accompanied by: No, I’m tired, Lord, can’t I have a break?
Doesn’t aging deserve some respite? Well, we all know that the Lord’s time is the Lord’s time and it often does not resemble our own. As long as we are here and upright, we have work to do! This Lent and Easter, I had my staid concepts of aging and working for the Lord pretty much handed to me kind of like “John’s head on a platter”. There it was, all my preconceptions and rationale’s for rest, little change, safety and takin’ it spiritually easy as I age, wound up in a pile on the proverbial platter staring me shockingly in the face!
I made the mistake of complaining to the Lord that I thought that I had “too foggy” of a notion of being loved, especially when I heard the phrase Jesus Loves you, God loves you and so on. Yes, Lord I want to work on understanding “love” this Lent. Yikes! As someone who is single, never married and old, one is sure that whatever concept of love that you currently hold is “it”. You’ve been around, seen many slices of life and where you are is where you are. It’s not good, bad, sad, happy, it just is. Tsk, tsk!
As a growing parish we needed a new music director. We hired an extraordinary young lady. She convinced me to sing again after a long hiatus. Then the juggernaut proceeded. In her astounding kindness and constant grace filled demeanor I started questioning a lot of stuff that I had believed about myself for years: Maybe I CAN get to regular rehearsals, maybe I CAN do a little exercise six days instead of just three, maybe I might look at some great new make-up, maybe a few new clothes would be nice, maybe I can get out of the house a little more often, maybe I can get to that prayer team that I love to work with, maybe there are people “out there” who actually think I am beautiful and say so. Yes, yes, yes and yes to all of the above.
This elegant girl and her relentless expressions of love for me, the person, have flipped my interior and ministered to my spirit in ways that literally have never happened before. The power of love, I get it Lord! Without diatribe, without touch, without conversation, without exploded emotions, outside of time, the power of love is so dynamic that it can change, heal, transform, make things new. I get it, Lord, that’s what You offer us without exception or pause, every second of our lives.
Lost some weight, yes, more mobile at 69, yes, new duds, yes, singing, yes. Great make-up, with consultant, yes! Smiling more often, yes. Bigger plans in my head, yes. Different thinking about self, yes! The power of love. One more goal that I thought I would never be able to experience again was the Triduum as a musician. The best liturgies of the year and the whole faith of the ages packed into one “continuous day”. My favorite of the whole year. Managed to do THAT too! The power of love! Never underestimate the power of love and how the Lord may want you to receive it, even if you are the “old dog” who knows it all!
“The one who sat on the throne said, ‘Behold, I make all things new.’ Then he said, ‘Write these words down, for they are trustworthy and true.’” (Revelations 21:5)
Copyright© 2016, Kathryn M. Cunningham
Kathryn M. Cunningham
Kathryn holds a Master’s in Education from Saint Xavier University. Most recently she completed Master of Arts in Pastoral Studies from The Catholic Theological Union in Chicago. This recent degree was part of a “retirement project” after teaching for 35 years. She has also worked as a spiritual director, music minister,council member and prayer team warrior. Kathryn has a deep interest in catechesis for the people in the pews. As a “sort of” convert she finds the wisdom of the Church a source for encouragement, joy and survival in a world not sure of anything. Her writing has appeared in diocesan publications and on-line sites, most recently for Zenit. To learn more about Kathryn check out her thinking at: www.atravelersview.org">ATravelersView.org.
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.