But Are You Listening? - New Evangelizers

Recently, Father Mike Schmitz at Ascension Presents said in one of his videos that All unasked for advice is criticism.

Wow. I’m constantly doling out the benefit of my experience to family members. Friends. The checker at the grocery store. I’m filled with wisdom I’ve picked up through magazine articles, books and common sense, and I want to share that wisdom. You may know someone like that. You may be that someone.

Most of us like to feel we have something to offer, whether it’s a favorite recipe, a better way to manage children and pets, or the right way to do something. We think we’re helping. We might be, but it made me wonder.

Do I do the same thing when the subject is Jesus? Is my evangelistic style all about me? My opinions? A list of correct dogma, theology and rubrics? Do I talk so much that I’m not listening?

When we give advice, it may be sparked by altruistic motives, but we also want to be heard. Well, the same thing goes for the recipient of our advice. That person may simply want to vent, even if it’s about a bad experience they had with the Church or a priest. They may want to think aloud, using me as a sounding board, in order to find their own solution. They most likely just need someone to listen.

Think about the last time you talked with someone about Jesus or religion. Did you actually hear what the other person was saying? This applies to anyone we speak with but especially to those who are looking for a relationship with God. Possibly feeling their way back to the Church. They don’t need a recipe for success. They need to be heard.

When I felt the call to return to the Church, I stepped in one toe at a time. I went to Mass here and there. I occasionally stopped by the chapel to pray.

If someone had told me You really need to be at Mass every week, or You need to genuflect on one knee because the Blessed Sacrament is in the tabernacle, I might have skittered off like a frightened bunny, worried that this advice was criticism. That I wasn’t doing things right. That I was offending God with my clumsy attempts to meet Him after a very long absence.

One incident stands out in my memory. I had called the parish to see if they needed volunteers for anything, because that was the way my family had participated in parish life when I was growing up. It felt familiar. Safe.

They needed people to stuff envelopes for a special mailing. While sitting at the table with other volunteers, I joked that I was a Roaming Catholic. I remember the woman next to me who said, “It’s wonderful that you’re making an effort. It will happen in your and God’s own time.”  She heard what I was saying. That I was tentatively trying to form a relationship with Jesus and the Church. And she encouraged me.

We were stuffing flyers about a saint into envelopes. When we were done, I asked if I could take one of the leftovers home to read. The organizer took the sheet from my hands and said I would have to register at the parish if I wanted one. I didn’t return to Mass for months. She didn’t hear me. That I was interested and making an effort. A small effort, but that was all I was capable of at the time. She responded with a new bar for me to jump, and I balked.

Fortunately, I got over it. After months of sporadic Mass attendance, I made the commitment to Jesus. I joined a parish. I began to attend Mass every week, as if it mattered.

Evangelization is less about what we say than about how we listen. If someone is ready to hear more details, they will ask, and then we can share. Until people reach that point, try to listen and hear what they are saying. Your attentive demeanor may be what leads them to take the next step into a relationship with God.

Jacqueline Vick

Jacqueline Vick is a devout Catholic, wife to a wonderful guy, pet parent to a troubled mutt, and mystery writer. Her website is www.jacquelinevick.com.