A list of synonyms for the word mandatory includes compulsory, obligatory, requisite, binding, fixed, and set. It is a strong word, not to be used lightly and certainly not to be used unless it is accurate describing something.
I propose that it rarely should be used in regard to parent meetings, retreats, rehearsals, and classes in a religious education or youth ministry setting. It does not strike me as very inviting or welcoming.
Can you invite people to a mandatory meeting? I don’t think that is possible. An invitation implies I have an option to attend and participate if I am interested and able. Mandatory implies there is no option.
Granted I have worded announcements in regard to parent meetings very strongly, but I have not used the word mandatory. Think about it. You are a parent interested in partnering with the parish in educating your child in the faith; you attend weekly Mass, all Holy Days, and even the occasional daily Mass. You pray with your children and by the time they are three or four years old they are able to bless themselves without taking a bath in the holy water font. Your child is so ready to receive Communion, you have to remind them every time it’s not time yet. “It’s mandatory to attend?! What kind of a parent do you think I am?”
Or possibly you have parents at your parish who attend only when Mass only when necessary, maybe only at sacrament time or if there is a wedding or death in the family. For these folks, being Catholic serves a cultural purpose and keeps some sort of peace in the family. You tell them about the mandatory meetings, because, well, they need to learn what is going on and what is wrong with them, not raising the child properly in the faith? “I have to go to a mandatory meeting about Communion? What’s the big deal? Why does the Church have so many rules?”
In the end, we alienate both sets of parents. I do think that the parents who see faith as important will eventually overlook the request depending on the tone of the meeting. I have sat in meetings, as a parent, where parents were berated and demeaned for not bringing their child to Sunday Mass. I have watched parents who are trying so hard to pass on the faith but have a spouse who fights them and then the local parish fights with them as well.
Why do some people think we can force people to participate and they will be so won over once they meet us that the stick we used to get them there will be forgotten?
When we treat parents as the enemy or the folks who just “don’t know anything” we do not represent Jesus very well. Jesus said “Let the little children come to me.” And when Peter baptized 3,000 people on Pentecost he didn’t have any mandatory meetings or rehearsal. The organizer in me does freak out a bit at the thought of an unorganized mob, but the person of faith in me wishes I was there to have witnessed the conversions.
Do the families in our parish need knowledge and information? Of course they do. But we cannot mandate how or when that happens. People will come to know and love Jesus by personal witness and invitation. Have your meetings and events, but please don’t make them mandatory.
Copyright © 2015, Deanna Bartalini
Deanna Bartalini
Deanna G. Bartalini, is a Catholic writer, speaker, and educator. She serves on the retreat team at Our Lady of Florida Spiritual Center. Deanna loves teaching about Catholicism and how it fits into our daily lives. She writes at DeannaBartalini.com, serves as the editor of the NewEvangelizers.com blog, and is a contributor there as well as at AmazingCatechists.com. Deanna contributed to A Catholic Mom's Prayer Companion published by Ave Maris Press. She is the author of “Invite the Holy Spirit into Your Life: Growing in Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self-Control” published by Our Sunday Visitor. Deanna is available to lead retreats and speak at catechist and ministry events.
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