One significant step in my journey back to the faith happened during Lent. Like most lukewarm Catholics I used to give up beer or chocolate or something like that for Lent. That year I decided to pray the rosary every day during Lent. But like everything else, I did it halfheartedly, and didn’t actually carve out time to do it. I decided that I would pray during my commute. That way I didn’t have to actually give God any “extra” time; that time was already “wasted.”
I quickly discovered that praying while driving was trickier than I thought, and guess which one I wound up concentrating on? I decided to get an audio rosary that I could listen to and pray along with. Being too cheap to shell out money for something like The Rosary is a Place, I looked online for free versions, and wound up subscribing to the Rosary Army podcast. But that’s another story.
I had a very rough time that year, and the next year, when I tried the same thing for Lent. As always, the source of my troubles was me, not God.
I looked upon reciting the Rosary as a form of penance, and consequently I tried my best to get through it quickly so I could get onto “good” stuff. I was stingy with my time, and I resented every minute of prayer during my commute, because it was one less minute of listening to the radio or doing something else.
Over time, though, I realized that reciting words is meaningless with nothing behind the words. I realized that the way I was praying was the way that a bad student might approach an assignment of writing something one hundred times as punishment. Find the quickest way to do it, and get it over with.
So I stopped praying.
Anyone who has to drive kids around all the time knows that sometimes driving your kids around can be quality time. Turn off the radio and start talking and you can really find out how your kids feel and what’s going on in their lives. And when the kids get older and start driving themselves, you realize how worthwhile those moments were, even though you were stuck in a car facing forward.
It was in one of these situations when I had my second breakthrough. If prayer is talking to God, why was I treating it like a chore? I decided to give my Rosary commuting another chance. I began to see prayer for what it is: a beautiful opportunity to join with the angels and saints in praising the God who loves us. Suddenly prayer felt very different to me.
It changed other aspects of my life. I became a better driver. I wasn’t trying to get ahead of the other car, because my time in the car wasn’t a waste, it was an opportunity. Traffic on the bridge? No high blood pressure for me, just more time spent with God.
I don’t want to give you impression that I am perfect, or that I start praying whenever I turn the key, or that there aren’t times when I still feel like prayer is a chore. I am the same sinner I always was. But I let it go, and when I wake up in the middle of the night, or have to wait at the doctor’s office, or am just sitting at home alone, instead of fuming about wasted time or being anxious to get things over with, I spend some quality time with my loved ones.
Copyright © 2013, Michael Lindner
Michael Lindner
Mike is a scouter, a science geek, a dad, a husband and a Catholic. He earns a living as a software engineer in beautiful New Jersey. In his spare time (ha ha) he muses at his blog What Does Mike Think? He is not a writer (which will be painfully obvious after reading his posts) but feels called to apologetics and evangelization anyway. You have been warned.
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