I want to climb in a hole. I am uttering every profanity known to the universe – sick of it all. Pushing people away is so easy. Isolating myself is the only answer. Darkness, no light. Just leave, leave me be. How many times have I (we) uttered these words in complete frustration, agitation, and with determination? Is this a solution to what is paining me (us)? God does have an answer found in this week’s reading.
Maybe you don’t want to hear the Word, you ignore it. I find myself in this situation well too many times (I am embarrassed to say). A couple of weeks ago, New Evangelizer writer Allison Gingras shared with us Scripture as Teacher and we need to take those words to heart. I need to.
I will myself to read and listen to the Gospel and I find the human part bringing me back to the divinity of Christ. I use the word divinity here, but truthfully, it is Jesus and how he knows us as humans that touches me and bring me solace. When that happens, I know I’m on the right path.
In this past week’s gospel, Peter says to Jesus: “Depart from me, Lord, for I am a sinful man.” This rash statement comes after he sees Jesus perform a miracle casting nets and catching fish in what Peter thought to be an empty sea. Peter willfully pushes Jesus away.
I love Peter. I am a bit biased (Name) but to me, Peter is representative of the common person. He is completely relatable. He has faults, sins, brash, and loyal. He cuts off a soldier’s ear protecting Jesus and the next night he denies knowing Jesus 3 times! Yet, he is a foundation of the Catholic Church.
Husbands push away wives, wives push away husbands, kids push away parents, and friends push away friends. Pushing away is the easy answer. Isolate yourself and you think that you can solve the issues or they just might resolve on their own. Throw in a dash of feeling unworthy and now you have a reason to push all away, including God. Most of all, God.
Is pushing all away the easy answer? Maybe we should reframe the question as: Easy answer to what end?
Pushing away in anger, frustration, leads to beating yourself up. Sometimes physically through addiction (Alcoholism, pornography, food), outright depression, or some other means. As opposed to reflection, there is nothing positive. Pushing away provides no easy answer here, just a rabbit hole.
I want to state here I believe in alone time. I love alone time! I know alone time is crucial to my spiritual needs. I categorize alone time as reflection, not pushing away. Reflection is time in deep, constructive thought. It can include praying or reading a book that has a point, or listening to some type of music that helps mend you. There are many ways to reflect.
This is necessary and productive. Reflection is asking ourselves why and coming up with positive affirming answers that bring us peace. Even if those answers do not come, reflection can bring better questions which focus our thoughts getting us closer to an answer. That is positive.
Peter in the face of something overwhelming as Jesus pushed away and immediately focused on his unworthiness due to sin. Jesus had the perfect human reaction: “Do not be afraid.”
I love the humanness and insightfulness of this answer. Embedded in this answer is God’s acceptance without fear. Said another way: Have Faith in Him. As one Priest, Father Mike, told me in our podcast: “Faith is not a matter of the intellect but a matter of the heart.” Pushing away is our reaction to feeling unworthy, sinful. I find modelling Jesus’ answer to Peter beneficial (to me as well as wife, family, coworkers, friends). It brings me closer to God and those who I touch.
We are about to embark upon Lent. This is one of our greatest reflective times of the year. Don’t climb in a hole cussing. Reflect without fear.
Copyright 2016, Peter Serzo
Peter Serzo
Peter Serzo, observer, listener, author, speaker, and blogger. Visit him at Dotirome.com where he shares practical stories on being Catholic and listen to his popular Priest Podcast. The Priest Podcast is an environment where we have an enlightening conversation with those that lead (Not a theology conversation but a conversation on being a Priest/Leader/Human). Peter travels visiting different Catholic Churches satiating his curiosity and desire to spread each parish's uniqueness though his blog and presentations.
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