Last week we began faith formation classes at St. Edward, where I serve as program director, it was a bit noisy and busy as the families filed into the hall after Mass, found their child’s catechist, and visited with friends.
Many parents had questions for me about one thing or another and a line formed. One mom approached me with two little girls. She introduced herself and the girls, her daughter and her niece. She wanted to register her niece for class. I explained that I could not allow her to register her niece but her parents could.
“The girls want to come to class together and receive First Communion together.” Her niece was in kindergarten and her daughter was in first grade.
I told her that we didn’t have a kindergarten class.
Meanwhile the “parents who want to talk to me” line was fidgeting. I asked her to hold on for a minute and tried to take care of the quick questions.
While I talked to the other parents she bent down and talked to the girls. We started the conversation again. The gist of it was that the first grader wouldn’t come to class without the kindergartener and I can’t put a kindergartner in first grade. I have to say “No,” and I feel awful.
I do not have many rules and regulations in my program and few mandates. My pastor/boss is our diocese’s canon lawyer and so rules that say things such as, “Children must attend x Mass and have a bulletin signed x times or they cannot receive the sacrament,” don’t fly around here. We do things by the book.
The following Monday I found out the family had been estranged from the Church for some time and wants to come back. And I said, “No.” It does not matter that my pastor says we can’t make these exceptions because then everyone will want exceptions and I did nothing wrong. It does not help that she came to the office to get a Mass card and said she is fine with her daughter waiting and not at all offended.
I want to tell you I wanted to say “Yes” but I really didn’t. “No” was the right answer except that when you want to evangelize and put the lost sheep back into the sheepfold, it is hard to say “No.”
Of course, in the end, I can tell myself that the mom let her daughter decide (which she did) not to come. And that rules are there for a reason (which they are). But that “No” left me feeling bad all day. I didn’t think I was doing a very good job evangelizing.
In the end, I will trust that God will make these crooked lines straight.
Copyright © 2013, Deanna Bartalini
Deanna Bartalini
Deanna G. Bartalini, is a Catholic writer, speaker, and educator. She serves on the retreat team at Our Lady of Florida Spiritual Center. Deanna loves teaching about Catholicism and how it fits into our daily lives. She writes at DeannaBartalini.com, serves as the editor of the NewEvangelizers.com blog, and is a contributor there as well as at AmazingCatechists.com. Deanna contributed to A Catholic Mom's Prayer Companion published by Ave Maris Press. She is the author of “Invite the Holy Spirit into Your Life: Growing in Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self-Control” published by Our Sunday Visitor. Deanna is available to lead retreats and speak at catechist and ministry events.
2 responses to “Sometimes You Have to Say No”
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I am happy to be a catechist and not a DRE.
I hear you! I get to do that when I work with EDGE, our middle school youth group at the parish where I worship.