Good for the Soul - New Evangelizers

For many people confessing our faults to anyone else is not easy.  We fear looking bad or what others will think about us.  It also makes us very vulnerable to tell our failings to another person.  Yet the sacrament of penance and reconciliation serves not to embarrass us but to free us.

As a child in Catholic school we went to confession every Wednesday before First Friday.  We lined up and went in the very dark, small box to tell our sins.  I was always sorry “especially for the sin of disobedience” which pretty much covers it all.  I then continued with the litany of how many times I hit my brother, fought with my sister, and lied about doing my chores.  I remember we were taught to always say how many times we had committed the sin.  But I don’t think I was ever accurate, since I rarely went into double-digits and I think fighting with my siblings was a very regular occurrence.

My worst experience was coming back to school after summer vacation.  I had spent time away with my godmother and had not gone to Mass.  So I confessed this to the priest, even though it was not my fault.  He asked me why and I told him and he proceeded to yell at me in the confessional, loud enough for the other kids in line to hear.  I was mortified.

I think that may have been when I stopped telling everything I had done wrong in confession.

Fast forward to high school and by now we had longer had the confessional but instead reconciliation rooms, with cozy chairs, mood lighting, and conversation.  This was to make us all more comfortable with telling our sins to the priest, who is “in persona Christi,” that is “in the person of Christ.” Though he saw you he would still remember nothing about what you said.  I was not really buying this and so avoided the sacrament for a very, very long time.

I cannot tell you when or why I decided to go back to it.  But I did and the only regret I have is having stayed away for so long.  I began going face-to-face and it was healing to my soul.  For many years I had a “confessor,” a certain priest I always went to for confession.  Over the years I’ve had a few confessors but then in the last few years I realized, with the helpful insight of a friend, I was getting too familiar with the current priest.

I have now gone back to behind-the-screen, anonymous confession for the most part.  A friend of mine had this insight about face-to-face: it becomes a conversation, a counseling session, more about spiritual direction rather than confession.

I thought about this at length and decided that for me, this was indeed what was happening.  I spent time chatting and explaining my sins, how what so-and-so had done or said caused me to do such-and-such.  In the end, though, it is my response and my reaction to other people that I must own as mine. Whatever anyone else does or says is not justification for my poor behavior.

So now I am back to my childhood in a way, though the confessionals are no longer scary even if they are dark.   I’ve confessed things much more serious than my eight-year-old self missing Mass and I’ve never been yelled out again.

I tell the priest my sins, express my sorrow and hope that I will not do it again, receive penance and absolution and the world is a much sunnier place.  What was holding me back has been freed and I can move forward…not only in my spiritual life but in my interactions with all those around me.

If I am truly honest with myself, my sins cause me to behave in ways which are less than my best.  Confession then is not only good for my soul, but for everyone I know and love.

During this Advent season and Year of Faith, follow the advice of our church and go to confession.  It’s good for the soul!

Copyright © 2012, Deanna Bartalini/em>

Deanna Bartalini

Deanna G. Bartalini, is a Catholic writer, speaker, and educator. She serves on the retreat team at Our Lady of Florida Spiritual Center. Deanna loves teaching about Catholicism and how it fits into our daily lives. She writes at DeannaBartalini.com, serves as the editor of the NewEvangelizers.com blog, and is a contributor there as well as at AmazingCatechists.com. Deanna contributed to A Catholic Mom's Prayer Companion published by Ave Maris Press. She is the author of “Invite the Holy Spirit into Your Life: Growing in Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self-Control” published by Our Sunday Visitor. Deanna is available to lead retreats and speak at catechist and ministry events.