There is a reluctance on the part of many to talk about sin. That is understandable.
It is not a pleasant topic of conversation. People being told about it often feel lectured to or judged. People talking about it feel hypocritical and arrogant because of the sin that they have in their own life.
But we cannot give in to the temptation of avoiding talk of sin. Doing so has led to horrible confusion and tragedy.
So how do we speak about sin when no one wants to hear about it?
In the classroom, I’ve learned that it is helpful to start with 5 disclaimers. These points are helpful in orienting the speaker and the audience towards the subject correctly. It helps take a lot of tension out of the air and lets us look at sin without pointing fingers.
1. God defines morality → We do not.
When talking about sin, we have to remember that we aren’t talking about my morality or your morality. There is only God’s morality.
Comedian George Wallace once said that out in Hollywood, churches have 4 “Commandments” and 6 “Do-The-Best-You-Cans.” Unfortunately many of us approach our moral life that way.
We tsk-tsk at some sins and we wink at others. But God gave us 10 COMMANDMENTS.
When you die and stand before God the Father, He is not going to ask you what Catholic Skywalker thought about abortion. He will not ask you your opinion on gossiping.
We follow the moral law because it has been set by God (there are other philosophical foundations for morality, but for the believer, this will suffice for the moment).
So when we speak of sin, we are not sharing only our personally pet peeves. We are transmitting God’s law. If anyone has a problem with this, their argument is not with us, but Him.
2. Law is the beginning of morality, NOT the end.
The Pharisees followed the letter of the law so well that they did not break a single one of the written rules. And these were the ones that Jesus told they were going to hell. Why? Because they missed the point.
There has been a movement in the culture to define Christianity only by its moral teachings. While its morals are essential, they are not the end. The purpose of following the rules is not to follow the rules.
I ask my students to ask me if I’m a good husband.
Students: Are you a good husband.
Me: I am a great husband.
Students: Why?
Me: Because in 11 years of marriage, never once have I ever cheated on my wife. So that’s all it takes to be a good husband.
Students: No! Do you tell her you love her?
Me: No.
Students: Do you listen to her problems?
Me: No.
Students: Do you take care of her when she’s sick?
Me: No. But I’ve never cheated on her.
Students: But that’s not enough.
Exactly. Following the rules is not enough to be a good husband.
In the same way, following the rules is not enough to be a good Christian. But it’s the place to begin.
I then have them ask me again if I’m a good husband.
Students: Are you a good husband?
Me: Yes.
Students: Why?
Me: Because I tell her I love her, I listen to her problems, and I take of her when she’s sick. That’s why I’m a good husband.
Students: But do you ever cheat on her?
Me: Oh, every chance I get! But that’s just one small thing. I do everything else right.
And this is followed great anger by my female students, and rightly so. Because even if I do everything else they expect from a good husband, by cheating on my wife, I would not be doing the bare minimum required of me.
In the same way, I cannot call myself a good Christian if I wantonly break the commandments because I have not done the bare minimum required of me.
Both of the above scenarios show the place that the law has in morality. It is a means, not an end.
3. The Law is for us. It is for our good.
Why does God tell us no to some things? Someone once told Fr. Larry Richards that even if there was a God he would not want to believe in Him because “He would take away all my fun.”
Why does God want to take away our fun?
Because all parents want to do is take away a child’s fun, right? A child knows that running into a busy street would be fun, and the only reason Dad doesn’t want me to is to take away my fun. A child knows that they can go party for a weekend with some guy they met online named Eddie, but the only reason why Mom won’t let them go is that she wants to take away all their fun.
Of course this is ridiculous. Most normal parent understands that there are things that a child cannot do because the child does not realize that it is bad for them.
Jesus said, “If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!” (Luke 11:13) God wants to spare us from the suffering of sin.
Reason shows us the consequences of sin. Are alcoholics happy in their alcoholism? Are murderers happy in their wickedness? Some may say that they are, but we would call these people insane.
Sane people realize that evil never brings about happiness. The pleasure can be intense. For young people some of the intense pleasures of illicit sex, drunkenness, and drugs come upon them so strongly. And they have yet to experience the long dark road ahead as the path of sinful pleasure leads to the pits of despair.
It is important for those who have not yet experienced the negative effects of sin to learn from those who have. Ask them to look at those in life who have all of the world’s pleasures and ask them if it is enough.
A few years ago, Tiger Woods was caught in a scandal by cheating on his wife with many different women. Youth minister Sean Forrest said that Tiger was married to a Swedish supermodel… and it STILL wasn’t enough for him. He could never be satisfied because lust leaves you empty. But God’s path of love fills you.
4. We cannot judge others.
This a very important point to make to an audience who feels judged. Do not shy away from talking about sin, but point out that you are not there to judge them.
Fr. James Keenan points out that St. Thomas Aquinas makes the distinction between Goodness/Badness as opposed to Rightness/Wrongness.
Goodness/Badness refers to the person, or more specifically the state of a person’s soul. Rightness/Wrongness is about a person’s actions, which are observable to others.
Because I cannot see into a person’s soul, I cannot judge if that person is good or bad. Only God can do that because only God can see the soul.
Christ warned us often about not judging others’ souls. But I can see the person’s actions. And not only can we observe them, but Christ orders us to judges wicked actions.
We must speak out against the evils of the world that we see. But we cannot judge the person’s soul.
Why not? Because it is possible for someone to do a wrong action but not be a bad person.
For example, let’s say someone hits you on the head and steals your car. Wrong action? Absolutely. But what if the person was given the wrong dosage of a pain med and they hallucinated that they their puppy is about burn down their grandmother’s house unless they get there before them and your car is the closest to them? (Stranger things have happened) Now is it the person’s fault they are behaving this way? No. So it is possible that even though the action is wrong, they are not bad.
Wrong actions can corrupt the soul and good actions can make it healthier. But we have no power to tell anyone if they are saved or damned. That is only for God.
In fact, I tell my students that I the only soul that I can even get a partial read on is my own. And I am a big sinner. So not only would it be irrational for me to judge another because I can’t see their souls, but I am in no position to judge anyone else.
5. Sin is relational.
This is the one that, if you can convey it, will have the greatest impact. If sin is about breaking rules, then God is just a Divine umpire calling balls and strikes.
I sin, I confess, I get my penance. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
But if that is all there is to it, then morality is a waste of time.
I use an image for my students (I believe it is also from Fr. Larry Richards). I ask them to imagine that they have a curfew for 11 p.m. But they stay out late with their friends and don’t answer their calls or texts they get from home.
They then walk in at 4 a.m., ready for a fight. They are ready for mom to yell and scream, and they’re ready to come back with all of the reasons why a curfew is stupid and how they’re almost an adult, etc.
But when they walk in the door, there is no yelling. Instead mom is sitting quietly at the kitchen table. There is a long silence and finally she says, “It’s 4 a.m. You were supposed to be home five hours ago. I had no idea where you were and I was scared out of my mind.”
There is another long silence and then she finally says, with tears in her eyes, “You know… you really hurt me.” And then she quietly goes off to bed.
My students groan in pain at this image, because it is so much worse than fighting. What happened wasn’t about breaking the rules but instead about hurting someone who loved them.
Being faithful to my wife is not about breaking the rules. It’s about being true and never wanting to hurt someone who loves me with all her heart.
And sin is not about breaking the rules. It’s about hurting the one who loves us to the point of death. When Pontius Pilate said, “What shall I do with him?” The crowd cried, “Crucify him! Crucify Him!”
Every time I sin, I join the crowd and ask Jesus to die for my sins. If I can somehow get that, if I can understand that sin is about damaging my relationship to God, then maybe I can approach it with the right state of mind.
Copyright © 2012, Catholic Skywalker
5 Disclaimers When Speaking About Sin
There is a reluctance on the part of many to talk about sin. That is understandable. It is not a pleasant topic of conversation. People being told about it often feel lectured to or judged. People talking about it feel hypocritical and arrogant because of the sin that they have in their own life. But we cannot give into the temptation of avoiding talk of sin. Doing so has led to horrible confusion and tragedy.
So how do we speak about sin when no one wants to hear about it?
In the classroom, I’ve learned that it is helpful to start with 5 disclaimers. These points are helpful in orienting the speaker and the audience towards the subject correctly. It helps take a lot of tension out of the air and lets us look at sin without pointing fingers.
- God defines morality → We do not
When talking about sin, we have to remember that we aren’t talking about my morality or your morality. There is only God’s morality. Comedian George Wallace once said that out in Hollywood, churches have 4 “Commandments” and 6 “Do-The-Best-You-Cans.” Unfortunately many of us approach our moral life that way. We tsk-tsk at some sins and we wink at others. But God gave us 10 COMMANDMENTS. When you die and stand before God the Father, He is not going to ask you what Catholic Skywalker thought about abortion. He will not ask you your opinion on gossiping. We follow the moral law because it has been set by God (there are other philosophical foundations for morality, but for the believer, this will suffice for the moment). So when we speak of sin, we are not sharing only our personally pet peeves. We are transmitting God’s law. If anyone has a problem with this, their argument is not with us, but Him.
- Law is the beginning of morality, NOT the end
The pharisees followed the letter of the law so well that they did not break a single one of the written rules. And these were the ones that Jesus told they were going to hell. Why? Because they missed the point. There has been a movement in the culture to define Christianity only by its moral teachings. While its morals are essential, they are not the end. The purpose of following the rules is not to follow the rules.
I ask my students to ask me if I’m a good husband.
Students: Are you a good husband.
Me: I am a great husband.
Students: Why?
Me: Because in 11 years of marriage, never once have I ever cheated on my wife. So that’s all it takes to be a good husband.
Students: No! Do you tell her you love her?
Me: No.
Students: Do you listen to her problems?
Me: No.
Students: Do you take care of her when she’s sick?
Me: No. But I’ve never cheated on her.
Students: But that’s not enough.
Exactly. Following the rules is not enough to be a good husband. In the same way, following the rules is not enough to be a good Christian. But its the place to begin. I then have them ask me again if I’m a good husband.
Students: Are you a good husband?
Me: Yes.
Students: Why?
Me: Because I tell her I lover her, I listen to her problems, and I take of her when she’s sick. That’s why I’m a good husband.
Students: But do you ever cheat on her?
Me: Oh, every chance I get! But that’s just one small thing. I do everything else right.
And this is followed great anger by my female students, rightly so. Because even if I do everything else they expect from a good husband, by cheating on my wife, I would not be doing the bare minimum required of me. In the same way, I cannot call myself a good Christian if I wantonly break the commandments because I have not done the bare minimum required of me. Both of the above scenarios show the place that the law has in morality. It is a means, not an end.
- The Law is for us. It is for our good.
Why does God tell us no to some things? Someone once told Fr. Larry Richards that even if there was a God he would not want to believe in Him because “He would take away all my fun.” So why does God want to take away our fun?
Because all parents want to do is take away a child’s fun, right? A child knows that running into a busy street would be fun, and the only reason Dad doesn’t want me to is to take away my fun. A child knows that they can go party for a weekend with some guy they met online named Eddie, but the only reason why Mom won’t let them go is that she wants to take away all their fun.
Of course this is ridiculous. Most normal parent understands that there are things that a child cannot do because the child does not realize that it is bad for them. Jesus said “If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!” (Luke 11:13) God wants to spare us from the suffering of sin.
Reason shows us the consequences of sin. Are alcoholics happy in their alcoholism? Are murderers happy in their wickedness? Some may say that they are, but we would call these people insane. Sane people realize that evil never brings about happiness. The pleasure can be intense. For young people some of the intense pleasures of illicit sex, drunkenness, and drugs come upon them so strongly. And for them they have yet to experience the long dark road ahead as the path of sinful pleasure leads to the pits of despair. It is important for those who have not yet experienced the negative effects of sin to learn from those who have. Ask them to look at those in life who have all of the world’s pleasures and ask them if it is enough. A few years ago, Tiger Woods was caught in a scandal by cheating on his wife with many different women. Youth minister Sean Forrest said that Tiger was married to a Swedish Super Model… and it STILL wasn’t enough for him. He could never be satisfied because lust leaves you empty. But God’s path of love fills you.
- We cannot judge others
This a very important point to make to an audience who feels judged. Do not shy away from talking about sin, but point out that you are not there to judge them. Fr. James Keenan points out that St. Thomas Aquinas makes the distinction between Goodness/Badness as opposed to Rightness/Wrongness.
Goodness/Badness refers to the person, or more specifically the state of a person’s soul. Rightness/Wrongness is about a person’s actions, which are observable to others. Because I cannot see into a person’s soul, I cannot judge if that person is good or bad. Only God can do that because only God can see the soul. Christ warned us often about not judging others’ souls. But I can see the person’s actions. And not only can we observe them, but Christ orders us to judges wicked actions. We must speak out against the evils of the world that we see. But we cannot judge the person’s soul.
Why not? Because it is possible for someone to do a wrong action but not be a bad person. For example, let’s say someone hits you on the head and steals your car. Wrong action? Absolutely. But what if the person was given the wrong dosage of a pain med and they hallucinated that they their puppy is about burn down their grandmother’s house unless they get there before them and your car is the closest to them? (stranger things have happened) Now is it the person’s fault they are behaving this way? No. So it is possible that even though the action is wrong, they are not bad. Wrong actions can corrupt the soul and good actions can make it healthier. But we have no power to tell anyone if they are saved or damned. That is only for God.
In fact, I tell my students that I the only soul that I can even get a partial read on is my own. And I am a big sinner. So not only would it be irrational for me to judge another because I can’t see their souls, but I am in no position to judge anyone else.
- Sin is relational.
This is the one that, if you can convey it, will have the greatest impact. If sin is about breaking rules, then God is just a Divine umpire calling balls and strikes. I sin, I confess, I get my penance. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
But if that is all there is to it, then morality is a waste of time. I use an image for my students (I believe is also from Fr. Larry Richards). I ask them to imagine that they have a curfew for 11pm. But they stay out late with their friends and don’t answer their calls or texts they get from home. They then walk in at 4am, ready for a fight. They are ready for mom to yell and scream, and they’re ready to come back with all of the reasons why a curfew is stupid and how they’re almost an adult, etc. But when they walk in the door, there is no yelling. Instead mom is sitting quietly at the kitchen table. There is a long silence and finally she says, “It’s 4am. You were supposed to be home 5 hours ago. I had no idea where you were and I was scared out of my mind.” There is another long silence and then she finally says, with tears in her eyes, “You know… you really hurt me.” And then she quietly goes off to bed.
My students groan in pain at this image, because it is so much worse that fighting. Because what happened wasn’t about breaking the rules but instead about hurting someone who loved them. Being faithful to my wife is not about breaking the rules. Its about being true and never wanting to hurt someone who loves me with all her heart. And sin is not about breaking the rules. It’s about hurting the one who loves us to the point of death. When Pontius Pilate said “What shall I do with him?” The crowd cried, “Crucify him! Crucify Him!”
Every time I sin, I join the crowd and ask Jesus to die for my sins. If I can somehow get that, if I can understand that sin is about damaging my relationship to God, then maybe I can approach it with the right state of mind.
Copyright © 2012, W.L. Grayson
W.L. Grayson
I am a devoutly Catholic theology teacher who loves a popular culture that often, quite frankly, hates me. I grew up absorbing every movie, TV show, comic book, science fiction novel, etc. I could find. As of today I’ve watched over 2100 movies and tv shows. They take up a huge part of my life. I don’t know that this is a good thing, but it has given me a common vocabulary to draw from in order to illustrate whatever theological point I make in class. I’ve used American Pie the song to explain the Book of Revelation (I’ll post on this some time later) and American Pie the movie to help explain Eucharist (don’t ask). The point is that the popular culture is popular for a reason. It is woven into the fabric of our lives and imaginations, for good or ill. In this blog I will attempt to bring together the things of heaven with the things of earth. Of course this goal may be too lofty for someone like me.
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[…] years ago I wrote an article here for New Evangelizers called “Disclaimers When Talking About Sin.” That article was based on the preparation I do in class before we go into the 10 Commandments. […]